Is polyamory wrong? | Debate.org

  • It’s wrong because it’s just about sex

    The nice thing about having sex is not the orgasm… I can have a better orgasm wanking. The thing i love about it is that it’s something you do only with the only person you love. The only person allowed to be this intimate.. If we loose this, then we could wank and it would be even more pleasurable most of the times. So if my partner would go with another man i’d feel really bad… And lonely..Not special for her anymore.. One as the others.. And she would only get a few minutes of pleasure while i’d feel bad for weeks. Do you understand there’s a trade off? Then if i love her i want her to feel free but if she loves me she wants me to feel happy. Is she able to not have sex with somebody for my happiness? I dont think ‘m asking that much cause it’s just an orgasm i ask her to renounce to for my happiness. Otherwise i could say that it makes me happy to beat her everyday..Should she let me do that even if she would be hurt, just to make me happy? And to be sincere, i would prefer to be punched in the face instead of knowing that i’m not special for her anymore.

  • It’s damaging and hurtful.

    In fact one 2012 study discovered “significantly higher levels of rape, kidnapping, murder, assault, robbery and fraud in polygamous cultures.

    Most polyamorous relationships start when one person in a monogamous relationship starts feeling like there is something missing and that they selfishly want to find this with someone other than their current partner. So they coerce their partner into trying polyamory. This almost always results in resentment and pain for at least one of the people involved. It’s selfish and doesn’t work out. There is a lot of turnover in poly. It is almost never long-term. Poly usually involves revolving door relationships rather than actually loving long-term. It also requires keeping the next person (or people) on deck in case someone within the relationship leaves to keep the proper balance and ensure that the practitioner is having their needs met. That being the case, it couldn’t possibly be love and must instead be selfishness.

    Polyamory requires more time and energy than monogamy making it inefficient. There are greater scheduling and time management issues. It is also typically more exhausting especially for people with already harried lives.

    Often practiced by those with low self-esteem, poly is a way of seeking validation through multiple partners for those who have been abused/raped.

    Further, Polyamory destroys the innocence of childhood. In an environment where most of the adults are constantly looking for their next intimate escapade, it is impossible for the children to mature at a natural rate. Sexual innuendo, gestures and energies are constantly in the air around them. Perhaps even discussed outright. Children should NOT be exposed to adult sexuality. That’s child abuse. Just because you may have suffered it doesn’t mean that other children should.

    The claim that children benefit from polyamorous parents by having more people to look after them and that it benefits the parent(s) as they have more support and built in babysitters (which shows the selfishness of the polyamorous) is false. In actuality, surveys show that children of poly are less happy. Also, if all the adults are busy worrying about who they are going to sleep with next, who is worrying about the needs of the children? Polyamory usually makes children into an afterthought, and unsexed “mothers” out of those mature enough to resist the madness of pursuing sexual pleasure above all else.

    Claims that polyamory is not about sex is just marketing in attempt to gain greater acceptance and perhaps lure someone into their lifestyle.

  • Despite the claims

    That polyamory means many loves, and is not about the sex, it really is about the sex. If it wasn’t about sex then the need for more people in your life could be met through close friendships. Clearly it is about sex.
    Dividing attention between multiple partners, by its very nature divides the intimacy whether it is due to time constraints or other factors. Fewer partners equates to greater intimacy with monogamy being the greatest depth of intimacy to be found with others. The argument that one person cannot meet your needs is a fallacy as it has been shown that in monogamy there is a greater level of intimacy and in real needs being met than in polyamory. If there is something missing in a monogamous relationship it can usually be filled by individual pursuits (hobbies, etc,). If the argument that what is missing is sexual intimacy it shows that polyamory IS about sex.
    There are some who falsely claim that a poly lifestyle is a “sexual orientation”. Polyamory is not a sexual orientation, it is simply a naive lifestyle choice. However, claiming that polyamory is a sexual orientation is simply another demonstration that it is about sex. Usually to keep all partners satisfied in poly relationships the time investment is such that it makes sex central to life. It takes a toll on other aspects of life often only allowing for part-time or underemployment at most in order to practice it and frequently precluding other, non-sexual, pursuits. If you’re good with this, then clearly your reason for polyamory is sex. This is why, “[polyamory] is the choice of overwhelmingly white, affluent, university educated and privileged folk, with too much time on their hands. (Sheff)”
    Yes, it is very common to feel sexual attraction toward more than one person at a time. This is nothing new. It is primitive to act on and reduces one to the level of animals. Contrary to the statements of those practicing polyamory, monogamy has been the natural state of humans at least since hunter gatherer societies evolved. Saying poly is natural and dates from early mankind is only saying that poly is more primitive.
    There is no factual evidence that polyamory is superior to monogamy in any way other than having selfish needs met. And all the problems that can occur in monogamy occur to a greater degree in polyamory, including cheating. Poly-relationships can often become highly volatile and polarized due to more personalities being involved.
    Polyamory is not a demonstration of being able to give more love. Quite the contrary, to give more love would be to love one person with whom you are truly, deeply, and lovingly intimate enough to forego the other temptations that happen in your life. In polyamory you’re not “more special” you are simply one of many.
    Polyamory is ethical hedonism. It is focused on pleasure NOT love. If it is what you want, fine, but don’t claim it is something that it’s not.

  • It’s not about love

    Love is supposed to be a committed and trustful relationship between two people, no matter what race, sexual orientation or identity they are. Polyamory is just an excuse for one of the participants to have more sex. It’s like having to choose one of all the 5 delicious deserts on the menu. You can’t choose all of them… You have to pick one that you deeply desire.

  • This is disgusting and wrong

    Polyamory goes against all sense of morality and the bible. If you are in a relationship with someone then you need to commit to being with them alone and not slutting around with other guys. Polyamory is disgusting and immoral and completely wrong. This is obviously completely immoral and should be banned.

  • Was Not Created By God

    “If you study biblical instances of polygamy in detail, you’ll discover that none of them is portrayed in a positive light. In every case, the practice of keeping multiple wives results in problems for the king or patriarch in question. In some cases those problems are very serious indeed. If you doubt this, take a closer look at the lives of Abraham, Jacob, and David. Solomon is the best known and most extreme example of this principle.”

  • Romantic love should only be between two people.

    Listen, Love is a special thing that should only be shared, Romantically at least, between two, not three, not four, but TWO people.

    I am not saying this because of Religion or because I don’t Understand it, but because it’s truly just wrong.

    Think of it this way, imagine that love is like having two cookies, or something else, you only have enough for two people for each to get enough cookie, similar to how love needs devotion to your partner.

  • Never Works Out

    A couple can only work when each is valued as an equal; when you have a three or more man crowd, suddenly instead of working on “us” you can take sides, or favor one over the other. Even if it starts as a loving relationship that power balance is inherently less stable than a two person dynamic, it’s just not going to work out in the end.

  • It is morally wrong

    You can not love two or more persons without dividing your time spent cultivating your love. When a person loves another person in an intimate consentual relationship, The rational goal is to make that love grow. As emotional beings, (normal) humans are wired to feel hurt if their love is rejected in favor of the love of another person: Why would anybody seek the love of another if he/she is content with the love/sex experienced with one person? Selfishness and lust is the only reason I can think of. Polyamory is immoral because it is emotionally harmful.

  • I could be wrong but my feeling is that

    It’s an escape from facing reality and an escape from growing as a person. You will always hit road bumps in any relationship, But merely running to another person anytime you hit a road bump is just weak. Tolerance is a key ingredient in relationships. So I wouldn’t vote against it in law or hold it against anyone, But It leaves a distaste.

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